Planet Vargas: March 2010

Last weekend I had the great opportunity to attend a conference called Hearts At Home. This is a conference held annually in Bloomington, IL and it is for stay at home moms, working moms, moms with little ones, moms with teens, or really just any mom. I got to go with 4 of my great friends and fellow mommies. We left Friday night and went to Champaign (we had to stay at my parents house because Bloomington hotels were completely booked due to this conference as well as Special Olympics being there at the same time) and got to go out to a nice dinner...just the girls! It was so nice! And then we headed over to my parents where we played games and stayed up waaaaay too late, seeing that we had to get up at 6am the next morning :)

So Saturday was the conference and I learned this last year, but for some reason, it totally left my brain and that is this: I always think, ooohhh yeah, I'm gonna pick workshops where they're gonna give me the formula to make my child behave, be thankful, grateful, obey, blah, blah, blah. Well I was humbly reminded once again, through ALL my workshop speakers that it FIRST starts with ME, in MY heart and by MY example. If I want my child to be thankful, I need to model thankfulness, etc, etc. If we're not doing it, how could we possibly think that they will???? Ouch that hurt!

I learned so much again, and pray that it will soak it deep into my heart so that it can flow out of my life into the precious little life that God chose to bless us with.

The following are some notes from the main sessions and workshops that I attended. If you don't want to read them, please feel free to skip the rest, but I guess for my own reminder and benefit I will go ahead and share it. If you'd like to get an audio copy of any session from Hearts at Home, you can go to: http://www.catapes.com/viewresults.cfm?cid=146 to order an MP3, CD, or DVD.

Also here are some websites/blogs from these particular speakers:
Jill Savage: www.heartsathome.org then click on Jill's blog on the right
Sharon Autrey & Laurie Hilliard: www.momandlovingit.org
Susie Larson: www.susielarson.com

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Jill Savage - "The Power of Words"

4 Types of Words Our Families Need To Hear:
1. Power of Affirming Words
- Speaks life to the person receiving them
- Could change the trejectory of someone's life
2. Power of Accepting Words
- Says somebody's feelings and opinions count
- Says you're valuable
3. Power of Appreciating Words
- Gratitude for their character
- Make sure these words get out of your heart to your mouth!
4. Power of Apologizing Words
- Soothes the hurts that we cause
- Brings life
- The frequency of these words help us tune into whats really going on in our own heart

Here are some scriptures she gave regarding the power of our words. I took them all from the Message Bible, I love the way it puts it.

Ephesians 4:25 - "What this adds up to then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected ot each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself"

Ephesians 5:4 - "Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, Christians have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect."

Philippians 2:14-16 - "Do everything readily and cheerfully - no bickering, no second guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-give Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof I didn't go to all this work for nothing."

Proverbs 12:18 - "Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise"

Proverbs 18:21 - "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose"

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Sharon Autrey & Laurie Hilliard - "Am I Doing This Right? - Reaching The Heart"

Proverbs 22:6 - "Point your kids in the right direction - when they're old they won't be lost"

Train: to aim at an objective or a goal.

What's most important?
- the mind? (education)
- their body? (sports, dance, etc.)
- what are 3 things you want your children to be known for when they grow up?
- the heart? (Prov. 4:20-23, 1 Sam 16:7)
- sometimes we get so mixed up in DOING that we forget to BE

How do we build these relationships with our kids?

*Talk along the way
- write notes (in their lunch boxes, gym bags, etc)
- journal (exchange a journal with each other, writing notes, or questions back and forth to each other)
- messaging (texting, email, whatever gets you into their world)

*Laugh along the way
- Lighten up!
- say "no" with a smile
- have some fun! (ex: 5 minutes after the kids have gone to bed go in and turn the light on and say "we're going to go get ice cream!")
- Get into their world
- get down on their level, sit on the floor and play with them
- be weird with them!

*Be patient along the way
- If you find yourself struggling with a child:
- pray "Lord, give me YOUR eyes"
- Speak their love language
- Introduce them positively (if you have a child that is shy, don't say "This is ____, but she's/he's a little shy" Instead use something positive like, "This is _____, and she/he is mommy's super helper today")

*Pray along the way
- Pray the 6 "P's"
- Passion for God
- Purpose
- Peers/Pals
- Partner
- Purity
- Praise in good times and bad

*Protect along the way
- In relationships
- With their time
- From media (tv, movies, internet)

*Practice along the way
- If it is not real to us, HOW will it be real to them???
- Use spiritual applications - use nature as object lessons (ask God to help you think of things)
- Scripture memory
- Model it
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Susie Larson - "Growing Grateful Kids"

**We cannot impart what we do not possess!**

5 Ways To Cultivate Grateful, Thankful Kids:

1. Model Thankfulness
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18
- Don't commit the sin of comparison
- Don't wait for life to get better to celebrate
- Your children will pick up on your perspective
- Refuse worry - it will steal your grateful heart
- Spend time with God, get His perspective
- Start a thankfulness journal
- Say it out loud
- Each day let your children hear your thankfulness
- Teach your children to pray out loud
-Ask your children, "what are you most thankful for today?"

2. Practice restraint
- Just because you can afford it doesn't mean you should buy it
- Partial fasting - nothing should overpower you except the presence of God
- It's not just about practicing restraint, it's about giving God room to work
- Don't do the easy thing, do the RIGHT thing
- Ask God, "what do you want me to lay down so you can work in me?"
- Say no to yourself and stick with it
- Prayerfully ask God to give you a heightened sense of your child's tendencies
- Show your children the muscle of self restraint

3. Take Time To Play
- In good times and bad, life is a precious gift and it's worth celebrating
- If we take ourselves too seriously we miss out on the celebrations of life
- Take time to get together with girlfriends who make you laugh till your gut hurts
- Have friends over for game night
- Build a blanket fort with your kids
- Ditch the housework for the day and go to the park
- During bedtime prayers ask them what they are thankful for

4. Teaching Forgiveness
- Forgiveness is the rebar of the family
- Forgiveness is not an occasional attitude, it is a state of the heart
- Own and admit one's offense
- Humbly ask for forgiveness
- Take responsibility and make reparations
- Regularly pray Psalm 139
- Pray daily for those who you find it difficult to forgive
- Daily receive fresh mercies
- When you blow it with your children, use yourself as an example

5. Give A Blessing
- We need to tell our kids what we see in them
- Ask God for a blessing if you've never received one from your parents
- Remind yourself that you are the object of God's affection
- Speak Blessing
- Speak blessing on your kids
- During difficult discipline seasons, recast God's vision for their lives

In the past 6 months I have tried to become VERY frugal. I don't mean cheap, I mean FRUGAL :) And one of the ways I do that is by going to "frugal blogs/websites". There are so many blogs out there that people dedicate themselves to finding those crazy good deals and freebies. I request freebies all the time and several times a week I get my freebies in the mail. I get things like sample size lotions, shampoos and conditioners, tampons (all great for my travel bag), sample size coffees, teas, snacks, cereals, etc, etc. All these samples usually come with a really good coupon to try their product.
And I also love coupons, they are my best shopping buddy :) I love the thrill of the hunt! Finding the best deal out there. On an average, I save between $20-30 dollars just with coupons (this doesn't include things I find on clearance or on sale) each time I get groceries. I know it's not that much, but hey, something is something. Now, I DON'T use coupons just to say I used a coupon, that would not be frugal. I try to find the best scenario, if using a coupon doesn't make me come out ahead, it doesn't get used. Here's another bonus about coupons, at most stores, you can use a Manufacturer's coupon (ex: one that you cut out of the newspaper etc...) AND a store coupon for the same item. I do this all the time at Target, for example: you have a manufacturer's coupon for $1 off cheerios and a target coupon for $.50 off cheerios, you can combine these coupons and get a box of cheerios like a dollar. :) If you didn't already know, you can print Target coupons by going to their website and scrolling all the way down to the bottom and there's a link that says grocery coupons and then just select the ones you want and print. Some of this is probably old had to a lot of you, but I just wanted to share in case someone didn't know :)
Here are a couple of websites that I visit all the time to check out the latest deals around:

http://hip2save.com/
She always has great deals and she's funny :)

http://www.totallytarget.com/
I love this one because I shop at Target all the time and this one is all about Target and the good deals.

Today, when the mail came it was like I hit the jackpot :)
Here's what I got:

A huge sample of Rachael Ray's dog food "Nutrish" AND a coupon for a FREE BAG!

A sample box of 3 tampons, always useful :)
Crest whitening strips...hey, who doesn't need whiter teeth right?? Along with coupons.

A Target coupon book with 24 great coupons. Especially since Target is my absolute favorite store!
A gift card from Chase Bank when you open up a checking account. I kid you not, just 3 or 4 days ago, Abel and I both agreed we were going to switch banks, to that's right, Chase. AND now they want to give me free $....done deal!!
A coupon for $10 off a $20 purchase at Office Max. Again, I kid you not, 2 days ago we ran out of ink in our printer and I had a coupon just like this but it was expired. Lo and behold, a new one in the mail today!!
And last but not least, a $5 off a $25 purchase at Toys R Us...hey, $5 is $5 :)